FYI, I am the Samantha of the group.

I have probably watched every episode of Sex and the City a hundred times at this point, and the lessons from each episode only resonate more and more as I get older.

One of the biggest changes in life that can happen particularly in your early twenties is a shift in friendships. Before entering the real world, your environment keeps friendships alive whether it’s from weekly classes, a sorority, living with roommates, clubs/hobbies, or work/internships. Then people start moving away to different cities, states, or even countries; it’s harder to keep up with people with busy schedules, and some people simply fall apart because the environment was the only thing holding the friendship together. A lot of self discovery happens in your twenties, and sometimes you grow into a new evolved version of yourself that outgrows old friendships.

This is completely normal, and it’s important to identify who is truly there for you, because the saying is true that you are who you surround yourself with. It’s important to have quality friends over a larger quantity of friends. I am blessed with the greatest friends ranging from one block away to a 6 hour flight away, and the following is what I personally think defines them as great.

1. Genuinely root for the best interest of your friends and do not talk bad about them. If you feel the urge to, this is not someone aligned as a soulmate friend. There is a big difference between joking about someone and bashing them. No one has to like everyone, and no one is forced to hang out with anyone. If you realize this has become the case, it’s okay for you to grow apart. It may sound simple, but is honestly hard to find. Only stick with people who you know would speak rave reviews about you in a room full of people when you are not there, or stick up for you if someone was speaking poorly about you.

2. Even if you are not able to talk to each other or see each other a lot, be present and thoughtful with the times you do spend together. I would aim to see soulmates near and far at least twice a year to spend quality time together. If travel is not possible, a mutual effort for a facetime/call is important. Some fun ideas are to plan a weekend trip or activity. It is important to not only touch on surface level life updates, but really dig deep on how their mental health is, relationships, family, job stress, and any challenges or inner work initiatives they are facing. Whether they have a boyfriend, are dating, or single, making an effort for quality time should not change.

3. Treat them as you would want their dream man to treat them. You will know best on what they need most, but my friends and I give queen treatment to one another whether it’s positive affirmations on a low day, flowers and chocolate for a promotion, just because thoughtful gifts that made you think of them, group facetimes after a big date, respecting boundaries during a stressful time, and taking care of them during a rough time or medical procedure. Soulmate friends want the very best for each other no matter what, with absolutely no jealousy. There is room for everyone to shine.

This is probably one of my top three Samantha quotes. If you are any sort of people pleaser or have trouble setting boundaries, I hope this one resonates with you too. You should never feel obligated to stay in a situation based on mere loyalty or length of time together whether that be a job, relationship, friendship, or even a $5/month subscription.

You can have a strong love and appreciation for a person or thing and still choose yourself first. As a giver myself, it can be hard to do this in a world full of takers. Choosing yourself and setting boundaries is the biggest act of self love, and you will realize that saying no is empowering and will not lead to failure or hard feelings from others.

This quote aligns with my sentiment of dating, especially in LA. I used to get so discouraged by getting ghosted, stood up, played, orbited, breadcrumbed, you name it. Even if I have one really wonderful date and never hear from them again, I shifted my perspective to appreciate that particular moment and learn even in that short amount of time what I like and what I don’t like. Everyone is in a different phase of life, and has their own motives for making certain decisions, and you cannot blame yourself or be down on yourself. Especially in early stages, you don’t owe them anything and they don’t owe you anything. Keep your head up, and take each connection short or long as a stepping stone to finding what you are looking for, with a pinch of self discovery.

Sometimes the majority of your peers start out together, and then over time you see people achieving different levels of “success” at different paces. If you are one of these high achieving people, it is important to identify people who are uncomfortable with your success. This can include peers, friends, dates, and significant others.

I think Gen Z already has a better grasp on this than other generations, but success is not solely defined by career milestones - there is so much more unseen work that people are achieving. Someone could have just taken the step to start therapy, complete a personal project, sign up for a new hobby, book a dream vacation, workout for the first time in months, or simply prioritize their well being. Success is not reserved just for promotions, engagements, and homes. It goes both ways to not only fully support traditional definitions of success, but also equally root for the non-traditional ones.

If you enjoyed this blog post, I would greatly appreciate you taking a moment to browse my other blog posts (I write on lifestyle, beauty, travel, restaurants, working in tech, and cocktails + wine), subscribe, and/or make a donation. Donation proceeds go toward monthly Squarespace fees, PO box fees, website enhancements, ad campaigns, SEO tools, and time investment in addition to my full-time job. Thank you for your readership from the bottom of my heart! xx Nicole