Self Care and Mindfulness
A love letter to my singles this Valentine’s Day!
Even for the most happy and perfectly content single people in the world, Valentine’s Day can definitely take a toll on a single person’s mental health. I am definitely a hopeless romantic (blame my Cancer Venus), so even as a completely whole and happily single person, I always get pre-Valentine’s Day anxiety. I put together a guide here for staying grounded during this holiday of love, which anyone can use today or any other day of the year. Just remember that you do not need to win the approval of anyone else, as long as you can look in the mirror and know the amazing gift that you are for simply existing!
Affirmations
If you have never done affirmations, it may seem silly at the start. However, over time you will find that they truly work and actually have been proven to rewire your brain. If you are in a challenging phase of your life, it can be hard to say and believe the words coming out of your mouth. This is where you can start with external sources that you watch or listen to consistently. Sometimes you have to start with hearing it from other people in order to believe it yourself!
Here are a few ideas:
You can choose specific categories in this app, and receive affirmation reminders 5x every day as a phone notification
TikTok Video Accounts
Once you can feel in your body that you are accepting and believing these external sources, you can start to come up with your own affirmations customized to you! These can be written, thought, and spoken aloud daily.
Here are a few tips:
Write or think them in the present tense
Be specific/personalize them
You can start with “I am” (can get inspiration from the app)
Be in tune with how your body feels when you think or say the words out loud
Repeat them
Movement
Take it from me, I know how hard it can be to make time for movement in your day. I am definitely guilty of sometimes going several weeks without attending a fitness class or keeping up with a walking routine. However, I know that it can definitely make a difference with releasing those endorphins. If you easily get fatigued like myself, I would test out how you feel doing a morning routine versus an evening routine. I labeled this as movement instead of exercise, because sometimes even just some simple stretching and a walk around the block can make your day a whole lot better. Often times, extreme high impact exercise is promoted on social media which is much too intimidating for some people who have been out of the routine for a while (me).
Here are some low impact movement choices I recommend, along with a fitness studio I enjoy for when I am in the mood for something more intense that does not involve spin or running:
Low Impact
Walking
Stretching
Restorative Yoga
Pilates (depends on the studio)
Dancing
Resistance Loop Bands
Xi Gong
High Impact
Music & Podcasts
What you listen to definitely has an impact on your mood, so I love to make playlists to match the energy that I want to emulate. I have my manifestation playlist linked at the top right corner of my site if you want to give it a listen. I listen to it on a daily basis and it always helps my mood. It is perfect for a hot girl walk! I know music is very personal though, so I encourage you to make a favorite playlist of your own! I am not much of a podcast person and prefer audiobooks, but I do really enjoy Eileen Kelly’s Going Mental podcast.
Self-Love Gifts
If your love language is gifts, you may feel left out looking through Valentine’s Day posts on social media with the flowers and gifts couples are receiving. But, you do not need to wait around for a relationship to gift yourself something categorized as romantic! I have emulated Miley Cyrus’ “Flowers” lyrics for several years now and always send myself a nice bouquet with a note “To: Me, Love: Me”. It may seem silly to some, but it really does always brighten my day, especially when I have to endure all of the social media content. You can look at my blog post on The Gifts Edit for some inspiration on something to gift yourself! Sometimes gifting yourself something your younger self would have loved is also very sentimental. This could be a puzzle, favorite children’s book, or hobby kit. If you are not a big gifts person, even treating yourself to a nice coffee or pastry is special.
Beauty/Hygiene Routines
This category definitely has many layers to it, as everyone has their own level of effort, time, and money they are able to invest. It is also important to recognize that some days this is going to be put on the back burner which is totally okay, especially for anyone struggling with their mental health. Waking up, getting out of bed, or putting on clothes can be the greatest feat of the day, and I have definitely had my share of struggling with this. Sometimes it is helpful to set alarms for certain basic tasks throughout the day to help get them done.
For beauty routines, I like to connect mindfulness with whatever routine I am performing. As the song ‘I’m Gonna Wash That Man Right Outa My Hair’ portrays, you can do a similar visualization with any negative energy you want to get rid of. This can be when washing your hair, washing off a face mask, body brushing, exfoliating, etc. Or, you can place positive energy on yourself when putting on a face mask, hair mask, cuticle oil, lotion, etc. The basic level of incorporating this would be in your hygiene routine when showering, brushing your teeth, and washing your hands.
If you have trouble with performing some of these beauty routines on your own, you can book a treat for yourself by getting your nails done, hair done, massage, or facial. If you are someone like me and feel good when you look good, put some extra love and time into your routine today to feel like your most gorgeous self!
Art & Hobbies
Art is a great activity to do alone or with friends! It is an amazing form of expression, and can be very relaxing after a long day. Some ideas include painting, drawing, making jewelry, knitting, making a vision board, etc. You do not need to be a professional to partake in these activities, and it is especially helpful for perfectionists to have a creative outlet and let themselves mess up and enjoy the process!
When you are single, you have the luxury of extra time on your hands, and are able to invest in a new hobby or bucket list item you have always wanted to do! Seize the opportunity and have a special activity that is just for you.
Comfort Shows & Movies
There is something so comforting about curling up on the couch and watching re-runs or your favorite movie. Here is a list of some of my favorites!
Sex and the City
The Nanny
Gossip Girl
Legally Blonde
Devil Wears Prada
Bridget Jones’ Diary
13 Going On 30
Princess Diaries
The Proposal
The Other Woman
Morning Glory
The High Note
Crazy Rich Asians
Last Holiday
Hitch
Salt
Funny Girl
Setting Boundaries
This is one I am actively working on, as I am prone to people pleasing and overbooking my time and my energy. Setting boundaries is important to do at work as well as in your personal life. I try to tune into my body and see how I am actually internally feeling before agreeing to external engagements, asks, or motives. Am I feeling tired, anxious, upset, or unmotivated? These are feelings I attempt to locate before navigating what I choose to opt into versus not. This benefits all parties, as you are only signing up for when you know you can be fully present and engaged. The worst is overbooking yourself, then the whole time people asking why you seem down or so low energy. This also applies to the people you choose to engage with; you are allowed to set boundaries on who you spend time with. Your time is precious and you should choose people and things that spark joy!
If you are not used to exercising this, it will take some time for you and others to adapt to the change, but will serve you and your well being in the long run. You can start today by setting boundaries on Valentine’s Day content you engage in, and not overdoing your routine if you require more relaxation and self care.
Meditation
Meditation is another great tool to ground yourself, and it comes in different forms. Many times, our days are stressful and our minds can become clouded with anxious thoughts and to-do lists. Sometimes you just need a few minutes to sit and center yourself, and maybe hold a crystal that will give you some extra loving energy. You can check out my crystal blog to choose one perfect for you! You can also do walking meditation, where you focus on your breath, the present moment, your body, sounds, and smells. The app Headspace has some great meditations to listen to, even if just for a few minutes. If you want more of a meditative experience, you can sign up for a sound bath or meditation class. Take a few moments today, hold a rose quartz crystal, and remember you are loved every day!
Environment
I always say my environment is a reflection of my inner mental state. Especially on days like this, you want to make it as cozy and clutter-free as possible. Do not overwhelm yourself with a complete home makeover, but sometimes even a small shift can make a difference. Maybe you want to do a tiny bit of feng shui and move around some furniture pieces. Maybe lighting some candles and getting fresh cut flowers is just what you need. Or, maybe you want to get a little decor trinket or small house plant that makes you smile whenever you look at it. Small changes can really make a difference!
Dining/Eating Solo
I think that some people are not fully comfortable with eating solo even at home. Signs of this can be eating at your work desk, mindlessly scrolling on your phone while eating, or even standing over the stove eating something you have just made. I will focus on the eating at home experience, as most singles probably do not want to dine out solo tonight (but will do a blog post on best restaurants to do this at for another time). Think about what you want to treat yourself to, not in the mindset of feeling bad for yourself, but what you want to consume to feel happy! I love Reese Witherspoon’s line in ‘This Means War’ - “Never drink to feel better, only drink to feel even better.”
We are going to rewire the image of a single woman sobbing, eating out of the ice cream carton, and chugging a bottle of wine. Instead, order your favorite takeout or cook your favorite dish. I am not much of a cook but I do like to make charcuterie boards, which some people do not know they are allowed to make for just themselves! Break out the fine china, have something delicious, make an aesthetic cocktail, and feel grateful for your own company and the fabulous person that you are!
Community & Connection
If you are someone who isolates when you are feeling down, try to think of just one interaction you can do today to feel a sense of connection. Even if all of your friends and family are in relationships, you are not burdening anyone with a little chat! This can even be a catch up call with a work colleague, text to friends or family, and/or attending a class. Valentines are not reserved for romantic partners, and there are plenty of people out there in the world who you can coin your Valentine (even the cute barista at the coffee shop). If you have single friends, plan a fun Galentine’s party or dinner!
No matter what you need today, I hope this guide is helpful and a reminder that you come first, always. This is just another day, and an opportunity to rebrand it as a day of complete self-love. Sending extra love to all of the fabulous single people out there, and you are all my Valentines! XO
If you enjoyed this blog post, I would greatly appreciate you taking a moment to browse my other blog posts (I write on lifestyle, beauty, travel, restaurants, working in tech, and cocktails + wine), subscribe, and/or make a donation. Donation proceeds go toward monthly Squarespace fees, PO box fees, website enhancements, ad campaigns, SEO tools, and time investment in addition to my full-time job. Thank you for your readership from the bottom of my heart! xx Nicole
